Does this kettle look like Hitler?

[thanks to Huffington Post]

Just gonna throw it out there: If your prescription is this far off, maybe you shouldn't be driving.

Let's assess.  Awkward sidebangs (check), minimalist mustache (check), holding up a canary (check). Yup. That's definitely der Fuhrer.  Some CMO's ass is on the line. Hard.

Simple ocular error.When my mom took me for my two-year-old physical, they did a few flashcard/recognition exercises. I left with a lollipop, and she left in tears because I proudly declared that the picture of the rotary telephone was, in fact, a cow. 

For your reference, I've employed Google Image results below.  Tell me that my two-year-old self wasn't thinking outside of the box. Picasso's first painting didn't sell until after he died.  True scoop.

This excellent meme sums up your twenties. Hard.

I think my favorite is Row 2, #4...RETIRES.

Come on.  This is excellent.

Let this be a lesson to all undergrads

Yes. You can get credits, and some booty too!

Haha, win.  I have two years of blog posts from Cubicle Land that [undoubtedly] confirm the painful, awesome truth to this ecard.

We've all met a few 'too good for that nonsense' folk...My roommate is one who simply cannot believe all the office incest at her new job.  Well. That was a few months ago.  She's not new anymore and she's not above the double-dipping either.

Zing.

Letters to Tim Tebow

Dear Tim,

I would not mind seeing your sweaty, salacious body in knee-high boots (with the little bow-ties) and a Speedo.  If you join the WWE, then I'll be WWE ...as in "weak with envy"...as in envy of that thin stretchy cloth clinging to you.

Dear Tim,

I want the Gospel.  Give it to me.

Dear Tim,

What are you thinking about?

Dear Tim,

Why haven't you responded to my messages?  Call me soon.  Or like, text me or something okay?

Keep it between us

I had been on a match.com date a few months ago with a guy.  Ray.  We found a few commonalities - one of them: that he had dated a good friend of mine.  I had an "omg you're THAT Ray" moment, which was kind of awkward for me.  But don't worry he totally recovered by giving me a chocolate rose and poker chips...

I digress.

So this weekend, there was a new guy that I'd started messaging.  He winked, I winked, he messaged...I messaged back.  Using some sleuth stalker skills (aka Facebook and Linkedin), I found out that my sister is his co-worker.  Again.  Kind of awkward.

Enter: The Mind Game.  I never know...Do you solicit these things up front?  Or do you wait to see if the dating progresses and casually mention that you've known all along...but then, what if it goes south?  And not south like...'down unda'...more like, 'we weren't meant for each other but instead of telling me, you acted like a douche' south.  Tricky stuff, right?

Anyways.  I told my sister.Now I'm blogging it.  Oh well.

Today I messaged him:

Nic-ho: Hey sorry I didn't text sooner - birthday week so the days got away from me!  Do you work with a Lindsay?

Guy: Haha yeah I know she's your sis I learned that from the photos lol no one knows I even use match...it's shameful so keep it between us ;)

Oh. Shameful. Got it.

If match.com is among your more shameful pastimes then I have a few edgy Born-Agains for you to meet.

"Notes to my Future Husband"

Haha, well alright then.  New blog.  I approve: read here

It feels like just yesterday I was still on my parent's insurance

...because I was.

Assessing the past year is not really necessary. And I won't say that "this year's gonna be a big one" because I'll end up getting mauled by a bear on 490 or something. But I can say this: From morph suits to fro yo surprises...it was a great birthday, thanks to wonderful friends and family.

I've been well advised that 26 is NOT 25. And things that I could get away with at 25 are neither cute nor funny at 26.  It's like pulling up MSN.com and reading another headline about another teacher's sex pics or video about cats.  It's old and kind of gross.

This is probably a good time to tell you: I'm letting myself go.

That's right. Hanging up the ho-heels. Buttoning it up, bitches.

But let my half-assed proclamation of self-righteousness include a disclaimer/mantra - that one must be a 'lady in the streets but a freak in the sheets' (much love, Ludacris).