In my day, the "condom challenge" was done a little differently.

What up sunlight.  I'm sitting at my computer desk, checking out this 60 degree day (you go, Mother Nature), continuing to drip my 80th cup of Tim Horton's into my veins.

Checking through Facebook, came across this:  The Condom Challenge.

WTF.  There's got to be some kind of warning label.

Also:

Sucking a rubber through your nose only to be coughed out your mouth 

seems like there isn't enough tang being had.

Condoms were 3 for $6.00 last time I checked...which is fine if you're looking to prevent an 18-year investment. But to suck up your nose?  Jiminey Christmas.  Get an effing gummy worm or something.

The challenge used to be how quickly you could get through the box.  If this challenge is a race to the bottom of humanity...good job kids, you're doing it.

In which "Snatch" was the date night movie of choice

Date #4 happened on Saturday.  Success?  Failure?  You can be the judge:

I had taken my time throughout the day to properly bathe, nap, assemble an outfit, shave past my knee...

Around 6pm, Ash and I left for one of those jewelry parties where you get guilted into buying things.  If you have friends, then you've been to these and/or exhausted your best excuses to avoid them at all costs.

I was luckily out the door by 7:16pm to be back downtown in time to get to New Guy's apartment.  Until I realized that I still didn't have New Guy's address.  Hmm.  So I called him.  And woke him up.  Date night kickoff was thusly postponed half an hour.

So I made it over and we walked around the block to a cafe for Italian type dinner and more interview type conversation.  At this point there is still a lot of testing the waters and trying to pick up on each other's nuances without seeming psychotic/clingy.  Sometimes this is fun, but I had a headache and was desperately trying to stay engaged in conversation while sneaking glances at the NCAA Final Four game over by the bar.

I'm awful.  Feel free to stage an intervention. 

We walked back to his place and settled on the couch for Netflix.  After both of us were being too nice to say what we actually wanted to watch (you know, that thing you do when you start dating), we picked "Snatch".

New rule of thumb: movie names that are slang for 'coochie' should be avoided on date #4

Second new rule of thumb: movies stacked with a lot of gorgeous foreign bad boys should also be avoided on date #4

We're watching.  Then the fire alarm went off.  We went outside with the rest of the tenants.

Movie watching resumed - the fire alarm went off again - we ignored it.  New Guy had his arm around me.  We watched the movie to its entirity.  All of which was lost on me.  There was a lot of British stuff and guns.  We chatted.  I made moves.

Hey.  I may not party anymore, but I still get down.

So:  Success?  Failure?  Nope.  BOMB.  [Credit Ray J]

This one goes out to all the ex-lovers in your life.

Jul called me yesterday with an awesome tip on Ray J's new and exquisitely controversial single, "I Hit It First."

And by controversial I mean that everyone knows it's about Kim Kardashian.  Forget about these lyrics dripping with disses on the big booty diva.  My favorite part is when Ray J says he gives all his girls 'really bomb sex.'  We all love a good tail spin, but just let those words sink in.

Really.  Bomb.  Sex.

Haha.  It's so painfully eloquent.  And a step up from my usual..."it was...nice."  Yikes.

#lifeasiblowit

Life lessons on date-ability.

We have this saying at 5am Group.  Actually.  It's not really a saying, it's kind of a whole CD of songs about The Shocker.  Something about 'two in the poon...'?

Luckily it's old news.  The new news is the New Guy that I've been dating.  And by 'dating' I mean that we've spent time together on three occasions.  Date #4 is tomorrow. This is exciting for everyone because - well, because it's not them.

I've been hitting the ho-train hard.  Jul signed me up for Match.com, and after some convincing and cat-fishing and several date-wrecks, New Guy is decent.  He has not given me poker chips to 'leverage on another date' (yes. that happened.) - and he does not overuse emoticons :) ;) and/or exclamation!!!!!! marks via text message.  Along with eye-contact and holding the door, I've decided that these are also non-negotiable.

I was talking this all over with Co-worker Joe. Co-worker Joe says that if a guy likes guns and can change a tire, then he's a keeper.  Co-worker Joe also says that you know a girl is a keeper if she deep throats.  I guess it's all relative.

The Laundry Room: I can only afford one horse

I was watching The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills at my parent's the other night.  I'm not ashamed.

It was the season recap.  Therefore: one decent looking dude surrounded by plastic molds of human beings. It's excellent.  Have you seen these ladies?  I haven't lived with cable for a year (true scoop), so I'm pretty much a reality tv born-again.  I'm on overdrive.

So one chick is a recovering addict with eyes going in different directions, and another was almost to pieces because nobody "knows how hard it is to only be able to afford ONE horse for your daughter, most girls have four!"

...

Why does it matter if your daughter has but one horse?  Once she figures out how to mount and ride the real beast, that pony is going to spend a lot of lonely nights in the barn.  Your high school sport and girls' nights and ice cream are all great til you discover The D.  Then it's stop, drop, and ice your knees.

Consider that mystery de-funked.  NEXT.