Hey you wanna make out?

Dating is like, so much fun. Not.

Dating is weird. It's a lot of Naked Twister and then "Left Hand Blue Balls, you idiot" or "How did I end up on my back again?".

Online dating gives you carte blanche to actively dismiss, judge, and cream over randoms. It's the most excellent experiment in social graces and human nature. Do you know that most people are not normal?

One of my friends had been on a date - and within the first five minutes, her online suitor had asked if 'those things are real, because I've been burned in the past.'

Haha! What even is that??

Bar time dating is equally awkward. Thanks to SMS texting. So last night I'm at TPs. It's a local sports bar. The crowd is older dudes and sometimes their old ladies, and then the twenty-somethings swoop in on occasion.

Last night's birthday fest turned into a middle school dance. Guys were on one end of the bar, chicks were on the other.

I get a text from Birthday Boy:

Wanna go outside and make out?

Fastforward a half hour - getting lifted onto the outdoor bar. So far so good. Then the 23-year-old tells you he feels like the 'young buck that's being taken advantage of'...and then him screaming...'OMG I HAVE A BONER - just kidding.'

Cringe. Even I have standards.

But hey it's better to be shut down by some ho than getting gunned down by your husband on Valentine's Day (nice job, Pistorious). Yikes, glad we got the first tasteless joke out of the way.